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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website - that's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian find out what kind of music your dog likes by talking to a dog.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON’T TELL ME.

SAM ANDERSON: Hi, this is Sam Anderson from Providence, R.I.

SAGAL: Hey, Providence, R.I., we were just there, and we had a lovely time.

ANDERSON: Oh, that's great. I was there, too.

SAGAL: You were?

ANDERSON: I was so happy - yes.

SAGAL: Which person were you?

ANDERSON: I was sitting way in the back.

SAGAL: Way in the back.

ANDERSON: Yes.

SAGAL: Did I seem particularly handsomely from where you were sitting?

(LAUGHTER)

ANDERSON: (Laughter) Very shiny.

SAGAL: Thank you.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, Sam, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play?

ANDERSON: Absolutely.

SAGAL: He is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: This fancy shirt won’t let me brood. It gives me a new attitude. Its sensors are kindIt rewires my mind, a shirt that will cheer up my...

ANDERSON: Mood.

KURTIS: Mood, yes indeed.

SAGAL: Your mood.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Exactly right, yay.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Microsoft is creating a shirt they claim can make you feel better. It has sensors in the fabric that read your body rhythms and moods. Then it sends out little hot or cold signals and vibrations to your nervous system. It's sort of a shock therapy Polo shirt that gives you a hug.

ADAM FELBER: I see an opportunity for a great technological partnership. You know, a shirt that can cheer you up when you're stuck to one of Google's bumpers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's the question - I will ask you guys this question. Let's assume this thing works. You put the shirt on; it makes you feel better. If it worked, wouldn't you wear this shirt all the time?

PAULA POUNDSTONE: I would.

FELBER: Have you just discovered the concept of drugs...

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: ...Just now?

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: What if you could grind up this shirt and snort it up your nose?

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Wouldn't you want to do that all the time?

SAGAL: I guess so.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I already - I do already feel a little bit of that about a blue flannel shirt I have.

SAGAL: Really, it makes you feel happy?

POUNDSTONE: Well, yeah. Yeah it does. And I feel I don't need anyone when I have it on.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Sam, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: To the good night I go rather gentle. I’m headed to realms transcendental. So take care what you pay. It’s no permanent stay. I sure hope that my casket’s a...

ANDERSON: Rental.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Rental.

SAGAL: The success of Uber and AirBnB has inspired other industries to get in on the sharing economy. And that means rental caskets for funerals. Many funeral homes are offering...

FELBER: (Laughter) A little old lady only died in it once.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So no, according to the funeral homes that are doing this, it's very simple. The body is placed in a plain wooden box, and then you place that inside this very nice casket, giving the onlookers, the attendees at your funeral the appearance that your family actually cared enough about you to purchase something nice.

FELBER: You know who's going to hate this? Vampires.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: (Imitating vampire) Oh great, how did Mr. Schwartz get in here again?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: (Imitating vampire) I'm using this.

FELBER: (Imitating vampire) Do you mind? I went out for 15 minutes.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: (Imitating vampire) Now it smells like garlic.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: After all night raves, old folks are dawdlers. We are hangover nurses and coddlers. But the wee ones sure fight to stay up all night, so Fatboy Slim DJs for...

ANDERSON: (Laughter) Toddlers?

good.

SAGAL: Yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Toddlers...

SAGAL: ...Toddlers.

KURTIS: ...Good.

SAGAL: Just because you barely know how to walk doesn't mean you can't dance. DJ Fatboy Slim is now playing raves for toddlers...

UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN: What?

SAGAL: ...Combining the maddening sound of electronic dance music with the maddening sound of crying. He did a two-hour set for 0 to 5-year-olds at the Brighton Fringe Festival, got busted after one hour by police, who arrested 8 kids for illegal pacifiers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The best part was, like, the 8-year-olds mocking the toddlers and saying you kids, you call that music?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Sam do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She got three right, so she's a big winner.

SAGAL: Terrific. Thank you, Sam.

ANDERSON: Thank you.

POUNDSTONE: Sam's a genius.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Take care, Sam. We'll see you back in Providence someday.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "PRAISE YOU")

FATBOY SLIM FT. CAMILLE YARBROUGH: (Singing) We've come a long, long way together through the hard times and the good. I have to celebrate you, baby. I have to praise you like I should... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.