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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And you can also make sure to check out the How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian reveal a startling secret about what goes on at NPR headquarters. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

CHRISTINA WISE: Hello, Peter. This is Christina Wise calling from Boulder Creek, Calif.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

It's so exciting to hear from you, Christina, 'cause you are so excited. Where is Boulder Creek? I've never heard of it.

WISE: Boulder Creek is about an hour and a half south of San Francisco if other people are driving or about an hour south of San Francisco if I'm driving.

SAGAL: There you go. Everybody I know who lives in California says they drive faster than everybody else, which is mathematically impossible.

WISE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Christina, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks, crafted by our own limericist Philipp Goedecke. If you can fill in the last word of each on two of them, you will win our prize - Carl Kasell's voice on your voice mail. Are you ready to play?

WISE: I am so ready. Let's go.

SAGAL: Whoa.

BILL KURTIS: Jeez.

SAGAL: Don't keep her waiting.

KURTIS: A beard's passe since I began one. With long hair, I might have some damn fun. But as fashion trends go, it grows far too slow. So I'll clip on a hipster-y (ph) man...

WISE: Bun.

SAGAL: Yes, a man bun.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: These are, of course, you know, where you - a man takes his long hair and he sort of styles it up in a little bun. It's the latest thing. And now a company is selling clip-on man buns for people who can't grow it naturally. If you don't know what it looks like, take one of Princess Leia, you know, from "Star Wars" - take one of her side buns, remove it, put it on top of a guy's head. That's a...

BRIAN BABYLON: Yeah, it looks like - it looks like a hipster and a samurai...

SAGAL: Yeah.

BABYLON: ...Like, mashed up.

SAGAL: If you're good looking and you're tall and you've got that stern face, you can look like a samurai. If you're anything else, you just look like a poop emoji.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The clip-on man bun is perfect for the guy who doesn't have the time to grow his hair long but wants to look like a jagbag right away.

MAZ JOBRANI: Immediately.

SAGAL: Immediately. All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: The villains in "Bond" films have lots of style. Their plans help our prisons stay locked a while. Our cold-blooded guards won't take bribes in the yard 'cause we're filling the moats with some...

WISE: Oh no.

SAGAL: It's a rhymes with lots of style, locked a while. There's a mention of moats, cold-blooded guards.

KURTIS: Filled with...

WISE: I really can't think of so - crocodiles.

SAGAL: Yes, crocodiles.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yes, my goodness.

SAGAL: Very good.

KURTIS: Crocodile - how'd you think of that?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Indonesia is frustrated that in their prisons, prisoners keep bribing their guards. So they proposed getting new guards - crocodiles. They're perfect for the job. They're hard to intimidate. They have very thick skin. You can insult them, right? They don't mind. You can pierce them with a shiv. They won't mind. And, says one official, you can't convince them to let you escape. That's true. Your best bet, if you're in a prison guarded by crocodiles, convince a fellow prisoner to escape and then use him to bribe the guards. Here, eat Jeff.

BABYLON: You know what they don't like?

SAGAL: What?

BABYLON: They don't like to be called alligators.

SAGAL: No, they really don't like that. All right, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: In bags of chips, chips are quite rare. They're packed with too much room to spare. More than 80 percent of my cash is ill spent. I am paying for bags filled with...

WISE: Air.

KURTIS: Air.

SAGAL: Air, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: We all know about this.

KURTIS: Christina.

SAGAL: But a British man decided to investigate it. He was frustrated every time he bought a bag of chips and he got only two or three of the damn things at the bottom. So he did a study. He determined that the average bag of chips is just 14 percent chips, 86 percent air. When he protested, the chip company told him that it was actually buying a bag of cool ranch-flavored air and the chips were just included as packing material. They said, what, you're not eating them, are you? Bill, how did Christina do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Three and 0.

SAGAL: Well done, Christina. Hey. Thank you so much for playing. Bye-bye.

WISE: Bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.